Restless

I feel so incredibly restless today. I can't concentrate even though I still have to study. I barely managed to drag myself to the KAPLAN test center to take a practice MCAT test, after I finished I hurried home. And now I am jumping from one thing to the other, never finishing anything but starting a few things. It makes me mad that I can't concentrate because I have to go through this test and figure out where my mistakes are. I am thinking to skip Yoga tomorrow because I the test date is approaching. And maybe all of this is just my way of exhibiting nervousness for what is to come in January. But this time I just can't afford this nervousness.

I think that this restfulness and unconscious nervousness is just a symptom of my anxiety for the test day. Lately, I have been horrible hurrying everywhere and forgetting things. This is what happens when you try to cheat time and you do not let things progress naturally. It is bad when you are at home and decide to go grocery shopping because you need this and that but once you step into the grocery store you forget why you are there. That is what has frequently been happening to me. About a month or more ago I started writing things down that I needed to buy or things that I needed to do in order not to forget.

Right now I just feel like putting my coat and start walking, where to I don't know I just feel like I need to walk, to exercises my body in order to thing clearly. In fact, maybe I should go to the gym if not to Yoga tomorrow. It might do me some good.

It's already time for the holidays

These holidays came way to fast for me this year. I don't celebrate Christmas but I do celebrate the New Year. And every year that the New Year comes it leaves me reminiscing about the past and I become nostalgic about the past. It makes me reflect on the past year and every time I feel that I have not accomplished enough in the past year. That's why I don't like all these holidays. Last year, though I was in Mexico and at that time I was excited about the new year to come. I guess I was in a new place for the first time and I was curious to learn about their culture, and New Year's traditions that I did not have the time to reflect on myself.

And that's a good thing.

Wednesday just before the day of the Christmas Eve, Minnesota was showered with a snow fall. But the snow this time was actually pleasant, this was mostly because it was not cold outside. On Wednesday I left work early (we received verbal permission from our manager) and I had a couple of things to do. I wanted to finish gift shopping for my family. The gifts are not for Christmas but for our Eid celebration that happened a few weeks back. I always get them something for Eid but this Eid I did not get them anything since I had no money. So I was driving around and was stuck in traffic here in Uptown. It was insane the snow was falling, everyone trying to do their Christmas shopping, that I decided to go back to my apartment and park my car and just walk everyone where I needed to go. That was after I hauled some groceries into my apartment. Than I started walking and my first destination was the Starbucks
on Hennepin. Once I started walking I realized that actually this place was not as close as I thought. After Starbucks I turned around and walked the opposite direction to Victoria's Secret. It was so wonderful walking in the snow and there was something romantic about it. And I can't believe it but I was sad that I did not have someone next to me to share that with, that moment on that day walking in the snow.

Either way, I got all the gifts that I wanted and once I got home I was surprised how tired I felt. I wrapped the gifts and sat down to watch some TV. Ambriz called and even though the roads were really bad outside he wanted to come and see me before he leaves for Denver the next day. When he came we played the Monopoly card game I had bought a few days earlier at a Walgreen's. I was surprised how into the game he became and wanted to beat me so badly. It was very amusing to see him getting worked up about something. Anyways, shortly thereafter he left to drive back through the snow to his house and that was that.

Next day I had to get my car out of the snow and it was a pain in the ***. Before that though, I took the picture you see here from my apartment building. It was nice outside so white and the snow was not yet dirty. That same day, I made it to my parents house and they were happy to see me. I gave them the presents and they were happy about them. Since they did not get me anything (they don't have to, since this is my little thing for Eid) Aida had a shirt that she bought at Arden B for herself and decided to give it to me. Which was really sweet of her. She is a very kind person. The following day we went to see Sherlock Holmes with the whole family. I managed to get the last tickets, as soon as I had paid the cashier he announced to everyone that the show was sold out and it made me feel excited that I had managed to get the last tickets! It was however, difficult to find good seats since the movie theater was completely full even though it was 30 minutes before the start of the movie. Well, I guess it is the busiest day for the movie theater business.

First Snow Storm of the Season

Ok, so they tell us that a huge snow Storm is coming, some say it might be the biggest one in a decade (there I am quoting some morning show whose name I cannot recall right now). And I am stuck at work, I so don't want to be here at the moment. I am super tired and on top of that it is snowing outside and I can't stop thinking about my commute home. I will be stuck here for at least another hour. It is 4:30 now and at 5pm we have a teleconference with a couple of investigators from 5 to 6 pm. Of course a couple of people have already bailed out, ohh its my kids hokey practice today, oh I have a small child at home, and of course some people are out of town. I want ot say; hey I will miss my Yoga practice that I look forward to each week! I hope that the teleconference does not end up going a whole hour. In the mean time it already feels so deserted here, and I can hear people leaving. I guess I am new here anyways maybe I could get away by saying, hey I cant miss Yoga gotta go.

Strengths Finder

My new manager at work made me take this Strengths Finder assessment test. She also gave me the book. The assessment of about 120 phrases one has to answer indicating how much the phrases resembled the person, using descriptors such as "Strongly Agree" "Agree" and "Neutral." The following were my top 5 strengths:

Learner
Achiever
Input
Maximizer
Intellection

Each of these strengths has a description in the book and afterwards for each strengths suggestions are given in what one might excel in or how one should attempt to perfect the strength. When I started reading the description of "Input," the description went something like, "you are a collector you collect things.." I was shocked at that point because it seemed like a stranger was telling me true things about me. Yes, so I am a collector, of books, a collector of postcards and a collector of interesting quotes. And therefore, I would like to share the following quotes.

"Life is a deep sleep, of which love is a sweet dream."

Dr. Chopra says his mother told her two sons that they have two girlfriends-
The goddess of wisdom and the wealth. If they woed the goddess of wisdom, she told them, the goddess of wealth would get jealous and pursue them.

"The superiority of the learned man ove the mere pious is like the superiority of the moon when it is full over all the stars." -The Kuran



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Updates

I feel as if I have not written a long time. But when I logged into the website I saw that my last post was October 25th. So it has not been really that long.

The reason I guess, that I have not written is that I have been busy and also have not been inspired by much lately. I finished the book I was reading (The Road to Mecca) which was very interesting and inspirational. Now I am reading Dr.Chopra's new book "Reinventing the New You, Resurrecting the Soul." I am not far into the book and have not come yet to anything that grips my attention and takes my thoughts away.

I don't like to write to much about myself here, my true feelings I write in my diary. However, here are a couple of superficial updates in my life.

First, I landed a new job at my company. My responsibilities will be very interesting and challenging. I will be a clinical monitor and will be responsible for about 5 to 6 sites across the country. I am working on a study that is top priority to the organization, thus there is visibility at all times. Since I will be managing sites I will also be doing up to 50% of travel. With a minimum of 25%. I am not sure whether to be excited about that or not. Since I have never travelled for business before and that is still going to be the priority of course during those travels. In January in fact, I will be flown to Florida for some training that I missed two months ago when it was taking place in my company. I might get a couple of sites to manage that are located in California, which will mean travelling over there.

Second, as I might have mentioned or maybe not, I have now officially moved to my new apartment and I am loving it. I have not completely settled yet as I need more furniture.

Third, thing that is excited and thinking of it now, I should have included in as No.1. Is that Alaa, my ex might just might be coming here for New Years. He is working in Syria right now and when he returns to Cairo he will go to the American Embassy to see whether they will grant him a visiting visa. I really really hope they do. I want him to come and I missed him so much! He said he will go as soon as he comes back and if they grant it he said he will get the first flight. I have not seen him since Summer of 2007. The other day we spend over 2 hours talking on the phone and could have talked even longer had not the money run out on my second phone card. I hope and hope and hope everything goes well. That would be amazing.

The other thing that is kinda cool is that next week, Saturday my sisters and I will be going to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. All three of us have never gone together before to a concert. Well, we have been to Bosnian concerts but nothing like this. And I am looking forward to it.