Facebook

A minute ago, I was so about to delete my facebook account. I have had that account for years. There are pictures, notes, and I have like 45 friends on there. I logged into my account and I always see the same people putting status updates and pictures, and some of them actually the majority of them are from college or high school and I never speak to them anymore. That is to say we don't call each other on the phone, we don't go out, we don't even communicate via facebook. So what is the point of logging in and seeing their status updates, their pictures, etc. And the worst is that it is always the same people that come up on that Mini Feed. I am seriously considering blocking my account. If people care and want to talk to me either call me or send me an email. I have lost interest in facebook. Yet in some ways I find it addicting, you can know anything about those long lost friends without even actually communicating to them. That in and of itself is just pathetic and I feel every time I check my facebook account, which is usually daily, I feel that I am in a way pathetic as well. There is just no good use for it anymore. I remember during college it was kinda interesting and helpful, but now it is just old. I was very much going to delete the account but what stopped me is that just recently my little cousin in Bosnia and my aunt in Germany joined facebook. It would be wonderful if we can use facebook to exchange pictures. ........I left my desk to speak to my sister. And she told me I might be able to either deactivate it without losing pictures and so on, or I should just block everyone else. Hmmm, I think I will just go ahead and block 90% of the people that have added me because there is just no use to be friends on there when in reality in real life we are not friends any longer.

Ramadan

Yesterday was the official start of Ramadan. Ramadan is a time to look into your inner soul and to purify oneself and thereby come closer to Allah. It is a month during which we Muslims are obligated to fast from sun rise to sun down, that means no food, no water and no other human necessities. We have a calendar that we use to guide us on when to stop eating and when to break the fast, since every day this varies by a couple of minutes.

The holy month of Ramadan is not just about fasting, it is also brings us closer to our loved ones and our friends. If I was in my country in Bosnia every evening someone would invite my family and I to come and break the fast with them and have a huge feast. Can you imagine having every day for a whole month a huge feats for dinner? And the eating usually does not stop just after dinner, instead people eat all kinds of variety of dishes and desserts throughout the evening in celebration. Every Muslim country I believe has their own way of celebrating the holy month. In Egypt I was told that no shops or restaurants work during the day and that during the evening after the fast is broken people begin to work and there are huge celebrations going on outside. People go to restaurants, and there is a variety of entertainment all evening and all night long until it is time to stop eating again and the sun rises. My ex boyfriend liked Ramadan so much that once when he was supposed to come to the United States he told me , to my surprise that it is Ramadan in his country that he will miss the most.

In dedication to this month and in an attempt to raise awareness, I will post an interesting fact about Ramadan every day of this month.

Writing Reviews

I am still on an apartment search, I am finding it to be more difficult than I had imagined. There are so many things to think about, distance from work, location, parking, price, square feet, etc, etc. I have found it important to go online and read reviews on the apartments from previous or current tenants. It's a great way to find out about the neighborhood and the apartment in general. Many times I have liked the apartment when I looked at it but have not chosen to go with it since there were some disturbing reviews that were writen. I just hope that people don't just write out of anger and emotion but do consider everything as a whole when they write. Therefore, I hope that more people write reviews on everything, I know that I will in the future, because I have seen how powerful and helpful it can be if done correctly. By the way I will go today and look at a few apartments but I think I know which one I will be going with, it's an apartment I looked at on Tuesday.

For Rent

So today officially I started looking for an apartment. This time I guess it is for real. I know I have said it many times before that I will move out of my parents house but now it seems it has become a pressing issue that I should and absolutely need to. I have already told my parents that I will be moving out and that I will accept their help in guiding me on finding an apartment. I am not sure what they will say to that, because you see they have been ignoring me since last night. Yesterday it was SSunday and I came home at 10 pm only to find my mother yelling at me. She does not like the people I hang out with and she does not like the fact that I go out to much. But you see I believe that I don't go out enough, I maybe go out once in a week, sometimes not even that. And the "people" I hang out are not drug addicts, or criminals. It is not the point of going out, the point is that I want to go out without being afraid of what my parents will say and not worrying whether we will fight afterwards. Our culture is very very different than the American culture in which we live. My parents would expect me to live with them until I get married or in my case until I go to Medical School. But they put to much pressure on me to medical school so much that I almost feel like giving up working for it. After all I just want to be happy. They don't get that, they believe one has to be well accomplished to be happy. In my case I believe that being in medical school would align with my happiness, however, I disagree that one has to be well accomplished to be happy.

There are just to many things going on and I feel like I need to move out to be able to concentrate on myself and help them as well. I know that our relationship is very constrained right now but I sincerely feel that it can only get better if I move out. I am sick and tired of going through fights and arguments and verbal abuse over and over again without anything changing. Sometimes when I see what is going on and how we do things around here, I feel like a lab rat that gets an electric shock whenever it touches a stimulus, but that nonetheless keeps on touching the stimulus without modification to behavior or action. That is in a way of how we do things, we fight today and nothing comes out of it, we ignore each other until we forget what happened and than shortly afterwards we begin the cycle again. But this time I say I need to break out of this cycle and I know it will be difficult because they want to hang on to me for some reason. I say that because this is effecting me physically, mentally and the relationships around me.

I do love both of my parents, we have both had a very difficult journey these last 18 years. My parents fled a war in order to save their children and than they moved to the United States in order for their children to have a better future. They came with three children and two suitcases to this country. Now they are well accomplished and have everything they need. And I have enormous respect for that, respect that maybe I am willing to admit I don't show as much as I should. And I don't tell them that they have done a great job. However, all my life I have felt that they are trying to live through me, especially my mom. They say that they have put everything in me and had great hopes for me. They say I am who I am because they have given me so much attention, I am not sure whether that is the complete truth because I was always intellectually inclined. Right now I have not meet their expectations, I am not in medical school. And of course, they are not proud of me for anything that I have done in the past years of my life. In fact my mother just told me yesterday she has nothing to be proud of. Oh my god, I have heard that so many times that it does not touch me anymore at all. Now they think I am wasting my life and am a disgrace to them, what is worse is that my middle sister believes that she and my younger sister have been lacking in parental attention because everything of course, was given to me. You see everything gets blamed on me, for something that I am not responsible for. I feel that I am lucky and doomed at the same time. Lucky, perhaps since so much attention was given to me and doomed because there is no way to please them. At least the way they want me to please them is just impossible for a twenty five year old in our modern world.

On a happy note, I did go to look at a few apartments in downtown minneapolis. They were all studios, a little bit older buildings and were all wood furnished, which I like. I liked only 1 out of the 3 that I saw, but the one that I liked was on the main floor on the ground. I would have three huge windows but I would never be able to leave them open or keep the blinds up, because anyone just stading outside could practically look into my windows. Actually anyone could climb into them. And all of this in downtown minneapolis in an area I dont know much about. Hmmm, I thought I better re-think that. So I am back on a search, which I just started.

Piercing

Today was a not-so good day for me. Actually, today was TERRIBLE. On top of everything that happened today, I noticed that the area around my belly ring was becoming redder and was hurting me. I decided to go to Saint Sabrina's, where I initially got my navel pierced in order to have them check it out. A couple of months ago I had gone in to see what navel jewelry they had. I still had the same navel ring on from when my best friend and I had our navel's pierced 6 years ago.

When I went in a couple months ago I had seen a couple of nice rings with which I wanted to replace my current one with. My little sister accompanied me to the tattoo place. This was her first time EVER in a tattoo shop, well she is only 12 years old and I am so the coolest sister ever. She even saw someone getting a tattoo. It makes me wonder whether I am setting a good example. Either way, the employees at Saint Sabrina's were extremely professional and nice. They immediately looked at my concern and I had an opportunity to ask about the rings I had an eye on for some time. They told me that I did not need to replace my current one and that the area around the ring probably was irritated while I was running.

However, I wanted to get my previous ring replaced. And so I did, with the advise of my little "angle from heaven" (as I call her), I picked this blue opal, platinum ring. It ended up costing me way to much, but I am happy with it and I know that I will have it at least another 6 years. The perfect thing to add here is also that I set a wonderful example, my little sister will get her ears re-pierced for the once and for all final time (hopefully final but if not she will pay the second time ;)). We were able to get good advise on their procedure of piercing ears and she was put to ease.

We will be probably going there next week with our mother since I am not her legal guardian and they are strict about this. I had also inquired on how old one has to be in order to get their nose pierced, since she was interested in doing that as well some day. Unfortunately, we will have to wait till she is 16 and we can both do it together on her birthday.

A Surprise Call

The other day, I received a phone call late in the evening. I was unable to take the call and the person was forwarded to my voicemail. Later on I checked my missed calls, and saw that Kelly, my long time friend, had called me. I could not believe that she had called, considering that we have not talked in ages, it has probably been a good year or more since I spoke to her last. Kelly and I had meet in a Spanish class, actually Spanish linguistics. It was the worst class that anyone could take and we both hated it. The hate for that class in fact brought us together.

In my surprise to see that she had called me I quickly dialed my voicemail, entered my password and had to listen to 5 other messages I had skipped in the past, in order to hear her voicemail. It is to bad that I have not saved her message in order to repeat it word for word. Basically, it went something like this: "Hi Alma, I am in Picosa right now with Lorehinjo, I found out that he is going to Mexico, probably indefinitely and I thought that to call you and see if you wanted to come out and wish him well." When I heard this, I thought to myself Ok?...has she been drinking? Well she seems she has everything straight...this is not a message you expect to get from someone you have not hear from in such a long time. Especially since I have only seen that guy, Lorehinjo (I am not sure if this is the correct spelling of his name) probably twice, casually while salsa dancing and even this was probably 2 years ago. As you might guess I did not go out that night, it was to late already and the salsa night at Picosa ends early by the time I would have gotten ready and gotten there everything would have been over anyways. I just ended up leaving a message on her Facebook wall saying that I regret not being able to come out but that next week Wednesday would be a good time to meet and wish him well.

Sometimes I say things that I really don't feel and/or don't want to do in order to be polite. And I thought that suggesting to meet another time in order to wish this guy farewell was a polite thing to do. I guess that some Americans would find me phony in such situations where they could clearly see what I say and what I really believe is not the same. However, I think it's just my culture in some way that makes me do these things, because in my culture that would be expected to "act polite' irregardless of whether my actions/words and true inner feelings about the action/words are in alignment.

Those unavoidable Runs

I got my butt out there for a run today. It is amazing how many excuses one creates in order to delay the unavoidable. It seems there is never the right time. Now I see that registering for the Twin Cities 10 Mile Run and paying that $70 something fee was well worth it, because it motivates me to train. After all I don't want to be out there among so many people and probably one of the youngest but yet the slowest. Don't give me wrong, I do regularly run when I exercise in the gym but this, a run 10 miles, from Minneapolis to St.Paul is the farthest distance I have ever even attempted to run. I went out there and had a difficult time running my first 2 miles. I kept on breathing heavily for some reason and couldn't get the appropriate breathing rhythm down. The next 2 miles however went like a breeze, that is, once I turned off the ipod, and started deliberately concentrated on my breathing, I was able to catch get the breathing rhythm down, and started to control my breathing. It's amazing how great it feels to just concentrate on your body and what its telling you during the run, it has the same effect on me as meditation. I must say though, the first mile or two are the worst, that is when one is most likely to quit because it is the hardest. I am not sure why but the body probably is trying to adjust, to the increased demand for oxygen and the vital quick conversion of glucose to energy.

A Sunday

Its amazing how fast these weekends go by. This morning I woke up a bit late, and went to the bank in Uptown in order to pick up the check card I lost on Friday. On Friday I withdrew some money and forgot my card in the ATM machine. On Saturday I was looking for it and realized where I had forgotten it. I was amazed that no transactions were made on my card and that an extremely kind person had turned it in. This is a surprise especially in that area.

Before stopping at the bank, my sisters and walked around Lake Calhoun. While in that area we stumbled across the annual Art Fair that is currently going on. Initially all we wanted was get the famous cheese curds that my friend always praises are "to die for". But as things never go as planned, we ended up spending a lot of time there and actually did not end up getting cheese curds. Instead, we bought other delicious food and I also bought a gorgeous silver and precious stone ring from an artist.

I must say I am amazed at what some people are selling. There was this artist that travels the world and takes photos of places and people. She than sells those photos for an enormous amount of money. Each photo is like 200 bucks. Is that art? I guess that is for everyone to judge for themselves.

When we returned home, my mom and my sisters ended up having a delicious summer lunch on the deck. And I took a picture of a cucumber in my mothers garden. We don't know how it happened that the cucumber grew through the fence, but it definitely made us chuckle.

I also ended up taking a picture of a flower that my mother insists is a rose. I don't think I have ever before seen a rose that consists of two colors. "What's in a rose," right?

Weekend

The weekend has officially begun. I worked today till 4 pm in order to get home earlier but also to beat the traffic. Lately the traffic has become unbearable and a trip that would take me 30 minutes is taking with the traffic 2 hours at time. It is the worst between 4:30 to 6:00 pm, that's why I am very good off leaving any time before. When I got home I was thinking maybe to study for a bit before going with my sister to the movies. Next week is my test, and this time there is no way I will void it. This time its for real. And I am finally ready to overcome my fears and to master that test. However, instead, of studying (which lately has just become so difficult) I decided to go for what I thought would be a quick run. According to my training schedule for the 10 mile, which I got off the Internet, I am supposed to run today 3 miles. There is a lake near my house whose circumference is about 1.96 miles, usually I run twice. Since all day it was rainy I decided to go right away after work while it had stopped raining. So that is what I did, although it was a bit difficult and the second lap I was not able to run but instead walked. I decided that I need to get a book or some other educational materials about the diet one should eat while training for such a huge event. I believe that my diet needs some improvement. Another factor I blame for my lethargy is the fact that I did not get enough sleep last night. Anyways, I did the best that I could, tomorrow is a rest day and than Sunday I am supposed to be putting in 5 miles. It seems to much considering that I just started officially training this week. Shouldn't I be taking it easy? I should note this training schedule I got off the Internet is for beginners. Yeiks. I came home only to quickly take a shower and get ready for a movies night with my sister, Aida. Aida just came home from Bosnia after spending over a month there. I have been busy and have not had that much time to spend with her. Tonight is the night. We are going to watch the thriller that is coming out today, I believe its called "A Perfect Gataway." Afterwards we might hit Uptown. Will see how it goes. Tomorrow however, definitely is a study day, and so is Sunday...

Cirque du Soleil

I just came back from a cirque du soleil performance. I came home late for that I have to be at work early the next morning. However, I must say that it was a spectacular performance that left me thinking afterwards I left thinking, about how amazing the human body is. The human body is perfect, it is designed flawlessly and on top of that it is beautiful and graceful. The human body is a perfection of design that no science could ever replicate not tomorrow, not a decade from now, whether one believes that this is the creation of the divine or a result of evolution is a interesting discussion question. When I saw the performers move and bend in all those ways, I was astonished of what the human body can do. Acrobatics,-gymnastics, dance and other arts such as singing have always fascinated me. People that do acrobatics to me see so free and happy. When they practice and when they perform they are taken back into a different world. In a world where all that matters is their body, how it moves, how it projects and how it feels to them. It is definitely calming and exhilarating. I remember when I went to salsa lessons every Sunday. Every time when done, my muscles would hurt but there was also some kind of alleviation. The alleviation was from the daily burdens and stresses of my everyday life. I left feeling so incredibly hurt, but also so incredibly energetic about life in general. I wonder whether those performs yesterday felt the same way. And than of course, there is the passion that goes into doing acrobatics, or singing or doing any kind of art. The passion comes out for me when I dance, and knowing that others are watching me and might even be admiring me gives me a happy feeling. I am sure that these performers after finishing their part must have felt the same, a happiness that their hard work of practicing had paid of and that they had left the audience breathless. These physical forms of art are amazingly powerful. I admire such people so much because deep inside me somewhere, I know that had I chosen any other profession than the one in which I am heading, I would have wanted to be a performer of some sort.

Reconnecting

Finally, after a very long hiatus and some difficulty I am reconnecting here, with a determination to keep it up this time. This morning I was thinking possibly to join twitter, but then I reconsidered and decided that twitter is really not very useful. Twitter is more for random status updates that no one cares about and no one wants to read. During the course of deciding whether or not to join twitter I realized that I still had this blog! I find that having a blog is more useful since it forces me to reflect on something and it forces me to write something coherently. It also can serve as a diary, except that this diary is open to everyone. Another advantage is the fact that contrary to what I thought prior to today, the blog once created will never expire, thus it is out there on the web forever, even if one does not log into it for years. Such was my case. When I tried to retrieve my blog and sign in, I had a difficult time remembering what email and password I used originally. I must say after hours of searching and guessing, but I was determined since I did not want to have to set this all up from scratch. I must say that the "Help" links attached to this website are not helpful at all. But either way I am back.